Some Nights Are Just Awful

Last night's dreams were just plain awful. Just as terrible as the last set of nightmares I had. And the whole time, my heart wasn't pounding and I wasn't anxious like I would expect myself to be, but I just quietly endured it straight through and was depressed, frustrated, horrified, and completely filled with dread. All somewhat peacefully, except for the fact that none of what I was going through was necessarily peaceful.

I don't remember exactly where it started, but I remember being in Iowa City, which in and of itself was awful to me, I can't find anything good to associate that place with. I was looking through cellos at the violin shop that I got my cello from down there, because I need a new one eventually (which, also, in and of itself gives me anxiety just thinking about... it's going to cost a lot of money). I ran into these people, a mother and a son I know from Dubuque who also have his cello cared for at this violin shop. They were in to have some work done on his cello and were browsing through to find a temporary replacement one.
The eeriness of the dream began about here, because all of the cellos were severely damaged and unplayable. The wood was rotten and the cello necks stuck out at odd angles, broken and missing strings all around. The place seemed to have been underwater for a very long time. There was a lot of mold and what looked like washed up sea weed everywhere, with dark dank smelly puddles everywhere. I was chatting with the mom, and apparently they were in a hurry to head out of the town before it got dark, which made sense to me because the town was freaking creepy at this point. The mom asked for directions to the hospital (which I am more than familiar enough with) and I offered to just go with her in the car to take her and her son there so they could meet briefly with someone they know who works there, and then they would head home. So I went with them, but as I was giving directions, I realized I was taking us the wrong way. So I had us turn around, and when that happened, I saw that the rest of the city was starting to look like the violin shop - it had been flooded, and many parts of it were still flooded and even under water. Sky scrapers were completely drowned. We were then sort of swimming through the city traffic, finding the best way to the hospital. The buildings around us were all ruined. Water plants were growing on them, sea weed taking over. I knew there were people who never made it out of the buildings. Death was everywhere.
We got to the hospital parking lot, and I took them inside. I had no shoes on and did not want to be noticed because of that. The mom did not listen to my advising on where we parked, so we had to walk allllllll the way through the hospital to get to the area they needed to be in. They were really frustrated, but I was just eager to get out of there. We walked down some really long hallways that were unfamiliar to me and had really weird textures to the walls and floor. I remember there being a window into this place that was boarded off, and I could see rock and dirt and ants crawling everywhere inside. It was disgusting. Behind the little window/boarded door it dropped off. The rock wall didn't go very far back, maybe only a foot or so, but its height and how far down it went was not known. There was a flood light lighting up the place, and the whole thing just gave me the creeps. I kept remembering the last few times I had been here, and was really sad remembering my friend Scott had been here just a year ago and died from cancer. I became really depressed. Wanted to get out of there asap. We kept walking, and the mom was irritated that I didn't have shoes on, and I was too because my feet were feeling dirty, so once she got what she needed from the pediatric clinic, she took me somewhere to get slippers or something for my feet. I had to pay twelve dollars for some shoes that were really fuzzy from this really tiny office. Then we left, but the mom's kid was still inside. She said he would catch up and meet us out in the car. We got out to the car and waited for him, and I could see him inside the building, trying to find his way allllll the way back through the weird hallways and to where we parked. He made it, and then the mom told me I owe her all sorts of money and I just gave her twelve dollars for the shoes and was out of there.

From here, I was then traveling to Idaho. It was really really cold, and I did not have everything I needed with me. I got to the apartment, only to find that more changes had been made to who was going to be my room mates, how the apartment was set up, and how much living space I actually got. It was really confusing for a little bit, and eventually I got a room to myself, which I wasn't expecting, but only for a few moments. These two girls showed up, both sisters. They were really young and terribly annoying. The younger sister wasn't even supposed to be there, she was still in seventh grade and was just being an annoying tease to her older sister, who kept being outrageously silly with her sister nonstop. It was so annoying. They hid under my bed, told me I had to share a room with them because those are the rules or something. They were declaring all sorts of rules that would be official because this was where they were staying, and I had to comply to all of them. They were absolutely ridiculous, and I can't remember any of them because of the dream aspect of them, but it was really ticking me off. When I told them they couldn't do a lot of the things they were planning on because it simply just isn't proper roommate etiquette , they got really defensive and anxious and upset. I had to explain to them that no, there dog could not stay under my bed and poop in a box under my bed, and no, I would not dog sit for them while the older sister has class, and no, I would not allow them to sleep in bed with me. Their stuff did not belong under my bed, they needed to have their own place with their own bed for their stuff. I was getting really anxious at this point because it was looking like I would have no space to call my own outside of my basic pillow area - that was it.

I then had to explain to them how to do their laundry. I couldn't believe they had been dropped off at college and didn't understand how to use or share a washing machine.

The rest of the girls in the apartment complex, which were actually more like dorm rooms rather than apartments, ignored me and left me to deal with this crazy girl by myself.

Things finally seemed to settle down and I went to bed, only to be woken up with a mess in my hair. Gel and cream oozing everywhere. The crazy girl thought it would be funny to play a prank on me. When I got mad and told her that was rude and inconsiderate, other people told me I was being mean and should just get over it.


The whole time I was waiting for my parents to get back from the store so they could help me finish getting set up with my groceries and such, but they were mostly interested in just getting out of town and not worrying about me anymore.
And I realized how much it sucks to not have a car. And I'm not going to have a car when I actually go to Idaho, which I am not looking forward to at all.


So I got outside eventually, and was freezing cold. People were out partying before classes began, and I was suddenly with a bunch of people I know from various things, mostly orchestra in high school, but some people from church here in Dubuque, and some people were characters from House and some people I didn't know at all.
We were all gathered together to support our mutual friend, who in real life right now is preparing for radiation therapy treatment for his recently diagnosed cancer. It was a party of some sorts, to help this friend keep his spirits up. Eventually the focus was less on him and more on the party. Some people were really drunk, and it was kind of frightening. I kept being picked up by people trying to dance, and people were getting naked and trying to get me naked, but I didn't want to be. Somebody grabbed my breast and made some rude joke about how I'm too small for him so he's not interested in me, but he kept on pinching me and wouldn't leave me alone. It was really really really unexpected and bothered me a great deal. I was really upset. Finally they left, but apparently, because I wasn't participating in the dare to get naked or something, I was going to have to be punished in a way, similar to the idea of how House gets punished in his show when he misbehaves by having to do stuff he would rather not. For me though, it meant an invasive medical examination in public. I was freaking out at this point and was trying to run away, but I couldn't escape. I was screaming and kicking and doing everything I could to keep myself wrapped up in a towel and away from these crazy people. They got a hold of me and I can't remember what I said, but I got them to wait for just a minute while I thought of something to distract them, and then I woke up.

Thank goodness.

I was really upset when I woke up and it has taken me all day to get out of this funk that the dreams put me in! D:

Blind, Blood, and Babbling

I had awful dreams last night! I was so relieved to not be dreaming anymore when my alarm went off. Although, I didn't necessarily want to face Monday, either.

I was at Kohl's (where I work). It was late in the evening. I was trying to move myself to a different cash register because the check out table I was at was not functional. Yet customers kept coming up to me, wanting to make their purchases. I kept telling them I would take them at that register (pointing at the one I would move to) in just a moment, I needed to close up this one. Somebody handed me a zipped bag of money. She said "it's for you." I was not sure what to do with it. I couldn't tell if she meant it was for me, a representative of Kohl's, therefor the money going to Kohl's, or me personally for me to shove in my pocket and take home. More than have of it was foreign currency, but there was still a decent amount of American money - well over $100. A manager came over and I was trying to explain what happened but they just told me to help the customers. Then my vision started to fade away on the left side. Things were just... gone. And what I could see was really blurry and losing color and had a blue tint to it. Soon it was like I was looking through the space between my hands cupped around my right eye. But I had to keep working, so I just carried the bag with me to the new register (only after having a disgruntled customer try to just make me stay at the crappy register because she didn't want to move to another lane). I checked out a few people, and then realized I was way over my shift.
I went outside, only to see the sky filled with blimps, which was really weird. Then there was  plane coming towards the ground. It crash landed in the parking lot. It was a hijacked plane heading east to Chicago, but the passengers managed to land it. They tried taking it to the corn field behind Kohl's, but clearly they missed. Fortunately nobody was in the cars in the parking lot at the time. I did not know if the people in the plane were okay. I ran back inside Kohl's to tell the managers what happened. They seemed indifferent and were not concerned.
Then I remembered I didn't clock out. It was a few hours past the time I was supposed to clock out. So I went to the break room to clock out. I was talking with people in the break room about what happened outside, when I saw there was a glass wall along the back side of the break room, and behind the glass wall was an indoor pool. I decided to take a swim. When I was done swimming, I learned that swimming lessons were going to take place and that Kohl's associates could be reassigned positions to teach swimming lessons. I definitely wanted to take that opportunity. But as I was getting out and talking to someone about it, I realized I had no top to my suit on! There were mostly girls in the room with just one guy in the corner with a signup sheet for kids who wanted to take swimming lessons. I had my hands full with my clothes and shoes and a bag and papers from work and I was trying to cover myself up at the same time, so I ran into the girl's dressing room crouched over and then dropped all my things on a bench, grabbed the nearest towel and got into a shower stall to draw the curtain. As I was stepping into the shower though, I noticed some puddles of blood on the floor. Taking a second look, I realized they were rather large puddles of blood. Then I saw blood on some of the walls. It was on the shower curtain. It was my blood. I don't know why I knew this or how it got there, but it was my blood. Girls were complaining about it around the locker room and I felt so embarrassed. Soon my towel was drenched in blood. I threw it away and turned on the shower and just rinsed myself off, didn't bother drying off, and got changed.
As I was leaving Kohl's, people were unhappy with me for some reason. Both customers and employees. They were giving me dirty looks and snapping at me. Only, I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was all gibberish. It was frustrating. I was trying to text someone to tell them that things are crazy and I don't know what to do. I then realized I texted the wrong person - I sent the text to Heather, the girl I had an awful confrontation with this last summer. After all that had happened in the dream, this was when I started panicking. As far as I know, that girl hates me, and talking to her is the last thing I want to do. I just tried to forget about it, and fortunately she never texted back.

When I woke up, the first thing I did was make sure I did not actually send her a text. Took a sigh of relief when I found I had not.


Not very happy dreams. Not a very peaceful day. :\

Oh, How I Love to Fly

For the past several weeks I have had dreams about flying at least one night a week. At least. They are so elating! I can literally just pull my weight upwards and I'm in the air, floating. I can go fast and slow, and sometimes it takes more concentration. But I'm fully aware of it. And eventually I become aware that yes, I am dreaming, but I don't wake up, and I just continue to fly and have this feeling of weightlessness. I fly to the places I need to go. I escape places I don't want to be. I travel around town and through the country, to my former homes, and to places where I could someday call my home. I visit Nick's family in Nova Scotia and just have peaceful visits.
Everything with flying is peaceful. I went to Clarke once and got annoyed so I flew away and didn't look back. That felt good.


I wish I could fly in real life.
If there was ever a dream or part of a dream I had (as in while I'm asleep dream) that I could make come true, it would be flying. Oh it would be flying.

I love flying. :)

I am the Hero

Some intense dreams last night! And unfortunately I cannot remember all of the details. I will do my best, though!

The dream was filled with crazy things going on. at one point in the dream, I was at church. It was raining pretty hard. Sacrament meeting was taking place, and I was standing out in the hallway for some reason. Not enough seats inside I think. I saw that there were three people wanting to come in. I knew one of them was a member of the church, and I vaguely remembered the other two, who were much taller than the person I knew (a youth). I was not certain if they were members or just visitors. They tried to stay out of my sight and not let me overhear what they were talking about, though. I suspected something wasn't right about them. I stepped away to take part in the church meeting and then was back in the lobby, only to find that they had put up pleasant looking posters and cards for people to take that had to do with religion. Looking further into all of the layers and layers of posters and pictures and cards they put up, I realized these were "anti-mormon" propaganda posters. They said that we will be burned in hell and God will hate us if we continue in our beliefs and that we need to accept Jesus. We don't need to do all this "fancy" stuff (nothing the church does is "fancy" in the way they were portraying it), and we don't need to do extra work. Just "accept Jesus" and don't worry about it. We're idiots for thinking otherwise. It made me so frustrated (in a righteous way it felt, though) and I started tearing them down. I asked them "why do you think God would hate anybody? Doesn't he say multiple times that He loves all of his children? Why would a group of people praising His name and simply doing Christ-like actions be something worth burning in hell??? They came up with some stupid reply and I told them to get out. They refused, and they hid away in the bishop's office.

I don't remember everything else in detail, but I do know there was a lot of fighting going on. People were dueling, it was all a battle scene. People from my past who were mean to me were all there and trying to weasel their way out. In the end, I ended up drinking some kind of potion that slowed time down around me and I was able to defeat everything or something. Then it was all done and it was peaceful and I was being rewarded, but I didn't want recognition, I just wanted to stay home and rest. But I was ultimately the hero.

???

LDS Safe House of Dubuque

There was a church safe house. It was a lot like a regular church building, similar colors, features, designs, religious portraits here and there, only modified intensely for a place for people to live in. There was a small chapel that was open and connected with the living room/foyer. Across the hall from that was a very large kitchen that was stocked FULL of food and necessary equipment. There was a large-ish dining room. Probably enough for 20 people to eat at a time. The planning was set out so that no more than 20 people would need to be eating at a time because there would always be work to do if you were living in the safe house. Then if you went back to the hallway and headed down it, you would have closets packed full of supplies like sleeping bags, first aid, bathroom supplies, clean sheets, towels, extra clothing, etc. Keep going and there were several rooms. There was one large suite, and it was a suite meant for people passing through who needed a place to stay for a night, or for daily workers at the safe house who were hired/volunteered to stay for the week to make sure everything is kept secure. All of the rooms had a few beds in them and a small bathroom connected to each one with a toilet and sink. Showers were in another room, separate from the bedroom, and there were maybe a dozen of them, all with their own stall.
I have here a diagram of how the building was laid out. :) (click on it to enlarge the picture)

After looking through the building, I was then hired as a maid to keep things clean there. I had one partner and one girl who was the boss of us. The boss was a snobby selfish girl who ultimately wanted to have us killed. My partner was a weak defenseless girl, so of course (as usual in my dreams), I had to take charge. I outsmarted the snobby girl, let the church leaders know what had gone on, and then quit. I head out on a motorcycle (what??????). Then I was in town and some people were kind of laughing about the mormon's safe building for some reason. I just told them it's actually a really smart thing to have and they'll wish they had a plan some day if they don't listen now. I kind of felt like Noah. Then I got on my bike and rode on the roads that often appear in some of my dreams around Dubuque. Roads that don't exist but I always go exploring anyway because I am curious as to where they lead and where they exit. Then I was back in town and it was halloween. I could float/fly! So I decided to be batman and since I was just pretending to be him, I would just pretend to ride a motorcycle. So I flew along, posed as if I were riding a motorcycle, and had fun!

I've had a number of dreams where I can float/fly and I use it to my advantage. It is so fun and feels so real, I wish I could do it in real life. I just defy gravity and go wherever I want. Oh if I could fly. I would fly everywhere and would never drive a car ever again! Unless it's raining, of course. :)

Flying, Pregnant, and Uncle Greg

I have not been able to post much lately due to my busy work schedule. I am working two jobs currently, so I barely have time to sit down and collect memories of my dreams and share the stories on here. As funny as it sounds, once school starts back up, I'll actually be a lot less busy and will have more downtime and will be able to post more often!

Last night was full of anxiety, dread, curiosity and frustration. Kind of like this whole week has been.


My dreams were all jumbled together last night, I kept skipping from world to world, back to a previous on, and on to the other one. It was confusing, but I will do my best to explain! I viewed most of the dream from above the top of my head, and sometimes as if I was actually there from my own eye's perspective, but occasionally as a third person watching the whole scene, seeing myself.
I was with my sisters. They were all younger, back when we were all kids. But I was older than I am now. Molly was probably 8 or 9, Sally was about 7, Grace was 5 or 6 and Oliver was the age he is now, 9. I was in my mid-late twenties, probably around 27. Yet I was also only my age. I was pregnant with absolutely no reason for being so. I just was. And I knew in the dream like I know in life today that I am not ready for a kid. I have sleep problems enough as it is, having a kid would make me terribly sick. But I was very pregnant and having a hard time. Yet I was floating. My siblings were putting on a talent show at home for our parents and aunts and uncles and some friends' parents. It was corny and cute. I was part of a little acting scene - a bird, because I could just sit there and float. I was glowing yellow and was tiny then, except for the times when I would get too high and wouldn't be able to see the ground beneath me, then I would be large and pregnant but I had forgotten about the little show. Molly and Sally got upset with me for not doing my part right, like little kids would.
Then I found out I had another uncle on my dad's side of the family. He was disowned because he wanted to be. He was one of my science teachers in high school. He knew who I was and knew a lot about me, and I was so confused as to why I had never been told this, but I really wanted to know what had happened, why he was so resentful towards my deceased grandpa and wouldn't talk to my grandma, would pretend my dad and uncles don't exist, and my dad and uncles did the same to him. Yet this guy saw me and told me who he was, in such a way that he sounded resentful, but I knew he told me partially because he doesn't want his former family to forget who he is and why he left or something.
Then Sally and I were in downtown Dubuque, looking at some odd old stores. It was also an airport kind of place and I was waiting to either leave or for someone to arrive. Sally and I got a job at this really odd clothing store that sold clothes that I hated. They were too organic-esque and too wacky for my taste. Plus the management of the place was really awful. The break room was basically a walk-in broom closet, dark brown with a single dull yellow light bulb that you turn on with a thin string. An old computer from the 90s was jammed by the door, a dark little microwave was shoved on a high self, and old broom and mop sat collecting mold and dust in the corner, it was too warm and muggy, and there were extremely old punch cards with an old clock machine for clocking in that didn't work anymore. I quit there and somehow returned back to the pregnant world and my long-lost uncle. He ridiculed me for being pregnant, and I just felt awful about myself.

Then I woke up and was late to work today.

I am so tired.
Hopefully happier dreams will be on the way.

The Wizarding World of Panem

I have been re-reading The Hunger Game's trilogy lately, and last night I went to the midnight premier of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two. My dream was a meshed combination of these two worlds, which made for quite the adventure.

In the Harry Potter world, all that happened in the series was done, but it wasn't too long after everything happened. Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny were all still unmarried. I was just staying in Panem, in a place that was similar to one of the districts, but it was more like just a town. The same awful government controlled everything. People had to work 12-15 hours a day for little more than $2.00 an hour, and food was extremely overly priced. The government wanted to remind the citizens, as they do in The Hunger Games series, who is in control. People were getting really angry though, and beginning to rebel, but only in silence. A lot of "muffliato" spells were cast by people who wanted to complain vocally to their friends. Occasionally people would cast spells on the government officials to get them to fall asleep or need to leave so that the people could do things they needed to do, like discuss personal matters in a way that doesn't involve all smiles and peace and always including praises to the government. Because the government was being so controlling that any negative speech about the way things were run could get you in a lot of trouble. They would take you away from your family and you would be sent into holding while you awaited a trial, which would more than likely result in you losing your job, your house, your savings, ultimately ending up with you and your family starving to death.

Sooooo people found ways to get around that by casting spells.

The government was getting really frustrated at the lack of quality of work that the citizens were producing. I was with Hermione/Emma Watson, and I was discussing with her how ridiculous this all is, and she and I (since we were just visitors, not locals) decided to discuss this with an official while at a small convenient store. We were asking why the prices were so high, and he explained that they have to be, because the quality of things being produced by citizens isn't selling enough, so they have to raise prices on things, and this will encourage (force) citizens to work harder and better. I brought up to the man that maybe the reason the work isn't good is because the people are literally starving. They are no longer healthy, they do not have energy, muscle, or enough nutrients flowing through their blood and to their heart and brain, therefor they can't concentrate as well, they get too tired too quickly, thus resulting in poor quality work. I said that if they're really interested in getting better quality work out of the people *cough slaves cough*, they should lower the prices on food, at least for a while (meaning a year or two, enough time for people to gain more strength and stock up in food), and give people a chance to improve. Because also,when somebody's work is consistently terrible, that person will be taken out and tortured and will be paid less.

Some people overheard my conversation with the man and Hermione,and people felt motivated to stand up for themselves and start to rebel.


That's about it.

Confrontation

Bad bad dream last night.

It started on the beach in Florida. This part wasn't so bad. It was beautiful, I was relaxed, just enjoying my the scenery and the warm sand beneath my feet. However, there was someone following me. It was a little person/character thing, and she was part of the family that I visited recently. On the visit I had [in real life], it ended in disaster with my "friend" saying very awful, ugly, hurtful things to me and then dumping me at the airport. I had to fly to Utah. I was in their house (only it wasn't their real house..), and everybody but the girl was there, because she lives on her own anyway. I was there and had to be there to confront her on the argument we had and resolve everything between us. Her dad, who has been friends with my dad for years, wanted to talk to me about it and tell me some things that I should consider when talking to her. Said "you two have been such good friends for so many years, you can't let one incident ruin that!" I had to disagree, but I didn't say anything. All I knew was that I just wanted to go home, I did not want to talk to her, because I knew she wouldn't have anything good to say to me, and I did not want to waste my time getting my feelings and self esteem hurt again. Then she came and I tried to avoid her and deliberately not look at her. She was too involved with her fiance to notice I was there, which was fine by me. Eventually she noticed, but did the same thing I was doing, except she would make faces in my direction when I wasn't looking. I think eventually I got got out of there, but overall I felt awful about the whole thing.

And I still do. I hate that what happened happened, and I wish it could be resolved, but I know there is nothing I can do, because there was nothing I did in the first place.

I hate that I keep being reminded of the whole thing randomly when I'm just trying to forget it all happened. :\

Joliet Rapids of California

I had an adventuresome dream last night... occasionally I will have traveling dreams, and there is always a conflict. I either don't know how to drive, don't know how to get where I'm going, don't know how to drive the kind of road I'm on (sometimes the roads go straight up, sideways, down, upside down, under water, wave around, or just sort of end...), and there is always extreme difficulty in figuring out what to do. I had to go to Idaho, I think. But from Idaho I had to go to California. So I was driving, but I had to go to Platteville, Wisconsin first, and as usual in my driving dreams from Dubuque, the way to get to the bridge was even more complicated than it is in person (which is pretty complicated with all of the construction down town). I had to drive down steeper hills than what Dubuque already has (Dubuque has San Francisco-steep-hills), corkscrew-like roads that went over the edge of the Mississippi, and everyone traveled at super fast speeds so you had to be careful not to fall off the road and into the deep river below. I got to Wisconsin and the only way to explain the environment was that it was like I was on an alien planet. It was light, but the sky was dark dark blue, there were misshapen trees that almost resemble jungle-like/palm trees, and the road was very hilly and very steep. I could hardly see the road it was so steep and my vehicle had such a high profile.
Eventually, I was heading west and I think I was in Wyoming or Montana or Nevada or someplace. It was a flat, dry, hot desert, that's all that matters. We needed to get to the San Francisco area for some reason (I have a ton of family in north/central California, and I know they were involved in it somehow). Instead of driving, there was a more direct route that was far less expensive and meant I did not have to drive. This meant getting into a tube or a one-person kayak/boat thing and riding down a very long river called the Joliet River. This extended from wherever we were, straight down California and into the San Francisco bay. It sounded kind of fun, riding down a long river in a tube, except I had Oliver and Grace with me. Oliver's mode of transportation was a bike, and once we hit deep water, it started to sink. Oliver could not swim. Sally had just her suit, goggles, fins, and a kick board/swimming noodle for flotation (she's a competitive swimmer, so that's all she needed), and Sally had to keep going in and saving him before he drowned. Eventually he got some kind of scooter-like board that he could sit on and balance and it had a little automatic paddle in the back that made him go. Still, it was a long journey with my constant fear that Oliver, Grace or Sally would be sucked down the wrong tributary and get lost or drown and never be found again. Eventually we made it, after going through several man-made tunnels to cut through mountain ranges and passed several tubes that sat in roped off areas that were man-made and they filtered out/pushed out clean water for the travelers. The whole thing was kind of eerie, always made me anxious, and was a trip I was glad to be done with when we got to Sacramento (instead of San Francisco). We then had to head home, and I remember being relieved I did not have to go on the river again, but I did not know how I was getting home.

The end.

Side note... Joliet is the name of the street I lived on when we lived in Lubbock, Texas. Joliet Avenue. Joliet, like all of the other street names in my neighborhood, is a suburb of Chicago.

Marriage

Last night's dream was so weird! To me, at least.

I was getting married tomorrow, and I was getting ready. Then it was the next day. I had my dress, hair, makeup, everything done. Except the only people coming were my immediate family. I don't even know who I was marrying; that didn't seem to matter in the dream. I was so nervous and was waiting with my family just realizing "wait.... I'm not ready for this.. I don't have any money, I can't afford to keep my car, keep insurance, I don't even have a place to live anymore! And I was just not emotionally prepared to suddenly be in the beautiful white dress. It felt like the wrong dress, actually. I didn't want to wear it. I wanted to run away and forget this whole thing. I was glad nobody showed up then because I wouldn't have wanted to waste their time.

That's about all I remember.

Clarke University Dating

I have not watched television much these past few weeks due to a busy work schedule, but characters from my favorite shows appeared in my dream last night.

I was back at Clarke for the fall. For some reason, I had to be "in a relationship" with a guy at Clarke. Purely for the public. Something about helping with publicity at Clarke, making it appear to be a happy place. It was all for show. This guy actually looked a lot like a face I recognize from high school, but I don't know who he was. He tried being polite and tried to enjoy being with me, even though neither of us really knew what was going on, and I had no real interest in participating in this dating deal anyway. But I had to. I felt really bad for the guy, because he knew (even though I hadn't told him) that I was waiting for this to be over so I could go see Nick again. I kept seeing Nick in the distance, patiently waiting for me. I was getting annoyed with the school and all of my peers trying to encourage this false relationship between myself and this guy whose name I barely knew. I finally just walked away from him, saying I'm really sorry, but this is really awkward and I should go. He was kind of sad, but not terribly. He got over it. I ran into a character from the show Glee. I don't know who it was, but we set up some prank because we were sick of the controlling system and ended up getting in trouble. I was then taken to Cuddy from the show House, and she was bewildered as to why I was not participating in the relationship they offered and why I did that prank. I played stupid and was kicked out. I was in snow and was really sad that summer had ended. But I was free then. I was completely shut out from everything else. Everyone at Clarke hated me. They all removed me from facebook and I didn't have their numbers in my cell phone anymore. Although none of my friends in real life were even there... But I really didn't care, because the whole thing just seemed ridiculous and I didn't want to bother with the drama. So I just walked on. I knew that I still had my family, Nick, and my good friends. All who love me, all who I thoroughly enjoy being with, and all who matter in my life. I knew my future lay here with these people.

When I walked away from the drama in this dream, I had that similar feeling I have been having in walking away from someone who stabbed me in the back recently and my attempts to move on emotionally. It has not been a very happy or easy thing to do, because I am not happy with the way things were left between this person and I. But I know I have done all I can do, and I need to not dwell on it any longer.

Introduction

I have created this blog for a number of little reasons. The obvious one being that I have many peculiar dreams. 'Peculiar' could be considered an understatement. Okay, I have some of the strangest,weirdest, sometimes bothersome and disturbing dreams, and they are anything from entertaining to complete confusing nonsense.  That being said, I want to keep a record of them. Partially for my own online journal keeping, and partially for the entertainment of those who choose to follow this blog. I invite anyone who thinks they would like to visit every now and then to "follow" this blog so that I can know who is checking in on my dreams. I promise this will be an entertaining read!! Anyone who has talked to me knows that I have vivid story-like dreams almost nightly.

I will attempt to make daily posts, assuming I slept and had a dream worth sharing the night before.

Happy dreaming!