Thursday, August 4, 2011

Flying, Pregnant, and Uncle Greg

I have not been able to post much lately due to my busy work schedule. I am working two jobs currently, so I barely have time to sit down and collect memories of my dreams and share the stories on here. As funny as it sounds, once school starts back up, I'll actually be a lot less busy and will have more downtime and will be able to post more often!

Last night was full of anxiety, dread, curiosity and frustration. Kind of like this whole week has been.

My dreams were all jumbled together last night, I kept skipping from world to world, back to a previous on, and on to the other one. It was confusing, but I will do my best to explain! I viewed most of the dream from above the top of my head, and sometimes as if I was actually there from my own eye's perspective, but occasionally as a third person watching the whole scene, seeing myself.
I was with my sisters. They were all younger, back when we were all kids. But I was older than I am now. Molly was probably 8 or 9, Sally was about 7, Grace was 5 or 6 and Oliver was the age he is now, 9. I was in my mid-late twenties, probably around 27. Yet I was also only my age. I was pregnant with absolutely no reason for being so. I just was. And I knew in the dream like I know in life today that I am not ready for a kid. I have sleep problems enough as it is, having a kid would make me terribly sick. But I was very pregnant and having a hard time. Yet I was floating. My siblings were putting on a talent show at home for our parents and aunts and uncles and some friends' parents. It was corny and cute. I was part of a little acting scene - a bird, because I could just sit there and float. I was glowing yellow and was tiny then, except for the times when I would get too high and wouldn't be able to see the ground beneath me, then I would be large and pregnant but I had forgotten about the little show. Molly and Sally got upset with me for not doing my part right, like little kids would.
Then I found out I had another uncle on my dad's side of the family. He was disowned because he wanted to be. He was one of my science teachers in high school. He knew who I was and knew a lot about me, and I was so confused as to why I had never been told this, but I really wanted to know what had happened, why he was so resentful towards my deceased grandpa and wouldn't talk to my grandma, would pretend my dad and uncles don't exist, and my dad and uncles did the same to him. Yet this guy saw me and told me who he was, in such a way that he sounded resentful, but I knew he told me partially because he doesn't want his former family to forget who he is and why he left or something.
Then Sally and I were in downtown Dubuque, looking at some odd old stores. It was also an airport kind of place and I was waiting to either leave or for someone to arrive. Sally and I got a job at this really odd clothing store that sold clothes that I hated. They were too organic-esque and too wacky for my taste. Plus the management of the place was really awful. The break room was basically a walk-in broom closet, dark brown with a single dull yellow light bulb that you turn on with a thin string. An old computer from the 90s was jammed by the door, a dark little microwave was shoved on a high self, and old broom and mop sat collecting mold and dust in the corner, it was too warm and muggy, and there were extremely old punch cards with an old clock machine for clocking in that didn't work anymore. I quit there and somehow returned back to the pregnant world and my long-lost uncle. He ridiculed me for being pregnant, and I just felt awful about myself.

Then I woke up and was late to work today.

I am so tired.
Hopefully happier dreams will be on the way.

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