Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dark, Torturous Hell

Maybe I should rename this blog "Those Horrific Dreams of Mine"...

I did an awful thing and almost threw a puppy to her death in the woods filled with coyotes. For a game. A dare. It was careless. The puppy was a basset hound puppy. She managed to put herself out of reach. I ended up saving her, but I felt so guilty and felt like I would never be forgiven.

There was also an evil house/building thing. Possessed with evil spirits and people who were followers of Satan. I had to go all the way down to the lowest floor for some reason. I had a little boy in my arms and was shielding his eyes from the awful displays. I felt very strongly to just forget my task and get out of there. I knew it was the Holy Ghost telling me this. I got out, but once I was outside, realized I had lost the boy. I then learned he had died down there. I wanted to go back and change everything, but it was too late. The evil had been too much for his body and soul, so his spirit was taken away. He was in Heaven, but I felt so awful about the whole thing and was so upset. I felt like it was my fault the boy had died. I made a serious mistake. The boy's family had no idea, and I would have to break the news to them. I couldn't bear the guilt.

Another dream that I'm having trouble remembering the details to. I was witnessing the awful things that will happen in the future. I was desperate for somebody to remind the audience that Christ will come again and bring an end to this torturous hell that was being said to await the world. It all felt so personal. It was made very clear to me that I would have to endure this hell, and so would everyone I love. I don't remember what the hell consisted of, but it was very upsetting. It was unimaginable. I couldn't believe I would be witnessing such an ordeal.
Nobody, especially the lady showing me the hell, believed there would be a relief, a Savior, a purpose, plan, a single hope to have. She and others were so engrossed in the hell that awaited us that they couldn't even comprehend or want to believe we would have a Savior. It was a very lost environment. Very focused on the wrong things. I was literally crying and pleading for these people to remember and recognize that the atonement can carry us through, that Christ WILL come again, and there is reason to have hope. I was desperate for somebody to be positive, happy. I couldn't bear such negativity, such sinking drive and misery.

It's weird having these guilt dreams, because there is nothing happening in my life at this moment that I'm feeling guilty about. Actually quite the opposite. I'm doing more service, I'm preparing myself to be sealed in the temple, I'm coming closer to my family and soon-to-be in-law family. Life is going so well.

I think Satan is trying to attack me. I'm being completely serious. It's becoming more and more obvious and apparent in these dreams.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Molten Death

This as almost two weeks ago. I didn't remember it until later that evening, and once I remembered it, I finally understood why I had felt so emotionally and mentally drained that day.

We were at a camp on a mountainside. A dormant volcano. Not so dormant anymore, apparently. It erupted along the side of the mountain, cracking the ground open. Watching people die from the lava destroyed half of the camp. People being swallowed by the molten flames, trying to escape and not making it. I was running, feeling overwhelmed with the heat surrounding me. I barely made it. Oliver was in my arms. I had to be strong and not panic for Oliver's sake, since he was witnessing the same thing I was witnessing - people dying torturous deaths. Watching their bodies cook and burn and suffer, seeing the expressions on their face, knowing there is no way they can make it out alive now, and then watching the life finally leave their eyes. Then I learned that Tyler had just been there a few moments before the eruption. Soon after, I learned he had been life flighted out of there just before the chaos ensued. Tyler was just as horrified that I had been there and was now gone.

This was definitely one of the worst dreams I've ever had. It was way too vivid, morbid, gory, and real.

Saturday, August 31, 2013


All that goes through my head  are burritos. This new job... I make so many breakfast burritos. The price, the time it takes to cook them, the time it takes to make them, the pattern, and the incessant talking and questioning of my coworker. The headache, the texture of the egg and sausage, burning my fingers on hot tortillas. Grabbing handfuls of shredded cheese. Folding them. Wrapping them in plastic. The feeling of a cold, full, tightly wrapped burrito through gloves and plastic wrap. So many burritos. Writing the day it was made on the plastic. Broken English asking for one breakfast burrito. Tired feet. Itching hat. Take inventory. We need more burritos.

I'm so glad this job is temporary. So, so temporary.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Opera and Invisible Flying

I was in a class with a professor who drove me nuts. He was my 8th grade 3D art teacher and he drove everybody nuts, but it didn't bother me then. He had us doing these music exercises and language problems. I was very short on patience with these assignments and found them to be a waste of my time. He singled me out then and started giving me slightly different assignments, which I still found to be completely stupid. I was having to finish the end of Latin and French phrases, and then memorize them. Some of them I could figure out, but I kept telling him "I'm not a vocalist! I don't sing! I'm an instrumentalist, and I play cello and piano, quit giving me these dumb assignments!" Turns out the words were lyrics to an opera that I was to be in. Everybody else in the class turned out to be vocalists, and they didn't understand why I was so disinterested in the text assignments. The evening OF the first opera performance, I learned I was to be in the opera as a cellist on stage. He was preparing me for that role somehow, but I was mostly anxious about making sure I'm on stage at time, and I had only had my music for less than a day. I could do it and perform it well, but there were so many distractions and I hadn't had a chance to run through any of the music with the choir standing behind me and the opera taking place on the rest of the stage. I also kept losing my shoe. (Losing my shoe - my LEFT shoe - has to do with the fact that last night, my left sandal broke and for a while I was walking with a broken shoe, then I took it off and walked with a bare left foot.)

Later I had a dream where I was the main character in a story. The end part had already been created, but I was living the first part of the story in a dream. This strange concoction had been developed on accident. It made me invisible and I could fly. It had to be rubbed all over my clothes and body in order to work, but I was successful. I was in a boarding school and was a loner among the other girls. I was also a lot younger. About 14 or 15 years old. The girls were very rude towards me and often made fun of me, so for most of the story I was getting my revenge, spooking them out, and doing little things that made them freak out and be overly dramatic. If I had been in their situation, I would have observed closely what was going on, instead of run away screaming and telling everybody. Since I was a loner in the school to begin with, nobody noticed that I was missing. Once they did, because of how I had set up my bed area and personal belongings, they all assumed I had been captured by this mysterious force that was haunting them at the school. They were all afraid they would be next. After a while, I got tired of using this as a prank and decided to do some good. I helped friends working with awful coworkers get stuff done by distracting the annoying coworkers. I did acts of service for people who had a lot to do and could use an extra hand but weren't going to ask for it. Then I was almost captured by some girls who were getting suspicious, one of them being the leader of the group that would pick on me. I decided to gather a few things in an area, make sure certain people were there, and I would reveal myself. My plan didn't go exactly as I had wanted, but it worked out anyway. I ended up falling from where I was floating high above them, and when I crashed to the ground, bits of the formula that was spread all over me and had dried broke off and I was completely revealed. The girls realized I had been hurt and started to take off the rest of the now dry formula that remained around me. They wanted some, but I fooled them and told them it couldn't be made again. The rest of this dream was like a movie and I don't remember what all happened. It was a good ending, though. That's all I remember.

Part of this dream forked off after the 'end' and I was still invisible. But I was with my family. I had written letters to a few people explaining to them what had happened to help them out, but I had lost them and had to re-write them, but I couldn't remember anything. I was then in a cabin where my Grandma lived. I was going to do something there while I was still invisible, but people were still spooked and I didn't get it done.

That's about all I remember.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Dr. Who??

I keep having dreams about the show Dr. Who. I haven't even watched this show. Well, I've seen bits and pieces of about two or three episodes. That hardly counts. I have friends who post loads of pictures and memes referencing to Dr. Who, though. So much so that they have slipped into my dreams and transformed dream land for me occasionally. They definitely fit in with the rest of my psychologically concerning dreams.

Unfortunately, at this moment, I cannot recall everything about the dream. I remember the land was pink and purple, almost like a Dr. Seuss world. I was outside, yet kind of high up, like on a balcony to a castle tower. Yet it was far more industrial than most castles are. Made of steel, not stone. Anyway. There was some crazy adventure going on, and I couldn't tell you for the life of me what the purpose of the adventure was. There was a man though, presumably "the doctor", and it was fascinating, the things that had to happen. I don't even remember what happened, I just remember the feelings. Something had to be done, reasons were unbeknownst to me. He was in a dramatic hurry to do it, and seemed interested in having fun at the same time. It was an entertaining dream. I know I have had at least one other like it.

OH I also remember we were camping in this pink and purple dream world. So we were in a woodsy area with open land for setting up camp.

I have been told to watch the show, but what I've seen of it really does not interest me. I can't get past the cheap graphics and poor acting.

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Some day when I'm married, I am genuinely concerned for the safety of my spouse.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream where I was getting on an elevator. I was in a basement, filled with utility supplies and boxes. The elevator was kind of off in an area surrounded by boxes, so you are not easily seen. While waiting for the elevator, a guy came over and I was thinking "okay, time to just be quiet and not make eye contact" because I was on a mission of some sort, and I needed to focus. We get on the elevator, and suddenly he corners me and starts grabbing me, trying to pin me to the wall. He is going to attack me. He grabs my right arm (my dominant), and I begin kicking and thrashing. Then, I bite his arm as hard as I can.
I suddenly realized I really was biting something, and woke up to find my blankets in my mouth, biting as hard as I can.

Night before last, I had another dream. I was in the parking lot for my apartment. It was dark, and I was parking a car. I got out of the car and saw a cat laying in a melting pile of snow. My first instinct was to help the animal, but I was wary because I didn't know the temperament of the cat. Sure enough, I approach and the cat starts hissing. I decide to let it be, but I have to walk by the cat anyway to get where I'm going, and the cat leaps for me. It's on my left arm, clawing and biting. I try grabbing it by the collar of its neck and yanking it off, but the cat starts attacking my other arm. I throw it to the ground, and it keeps coming back at me. I manage to pin the animal on the ground and it is continuing to bite and scratch, so I start punching the cat, because this cat is a monster. I punched it three times.
I woke up and was punching my mattress with my left hand with all of my strength.

There seems to be a common theme of self defense in my dreams lately. I keep being unexpectedly attacked and have to fight for my safety.
I hope I never hurt anyone in my sleep. Hahaha.